Feeling Close vs. Being Close

by Jacob Erickson

In 1859, Leo Tolstoy wrote a story about a young woman falling in love with a handsome nobel. 

The story begins with her mourning the loss of her parents, feeling the full grief of her circumstances. Slowly, as a longtime family friend enters the story, she finds a new feeling emerging. First, it was curiosity, then an eager anticipation. Within just a few pages, her mourning morphed into a desire for every chance encounter. She fell in love. 

Within a few more pages, her love interest realizes this and confesses that he, too, is in love. It’s a great story! But does not end there. Rarely does life ever end with happily ever after.

Our young protagonist, after a year or two of marriage, noticed that her feelings changed. 

She no longer felt the euphoric high of being with her beloved. No, a subtle boredom crept in. She became restless and began to search for those feelings again. 

Eventually, our protagonist’s search for the feelings of first love causes her to neglect her very beloved. She sought an emotional high from social climbing and comments about her beauty.

She tried everything she could to engineer and earn the feeling of love. In the process, she neglected love, itself. 

Fortunately, this story does have a happy ending. I promise! Yet our protagonist’s only way out of this trap was to forsake her search for the feelings of love and go back to the action of love. Only once she made this change did new feelings emerge.

They were different from her feelings of first love but still satisfying and awe-inspiring. They were slower but came from a deep, sustaining, commitment inside her. 

As Christians, what if this kind of love is what we are called to? What if we are blessed with the euphoria of God’s love when we first believe, but are called to follow God despite our feelings sometimes? Micah 6:8 puts it this way:

“…the Lord has shown you what is good
and this is what He requires of you
to do what is right, to love mercy, 
and to walk humbly with your God.”

As Christians, we all want to feel just “how wide, how long, and how deep” the love of God really is. This is very good! And the Bible says that the only way to discover these heights and depths is through commitment.

It is through a commitment to doing what is right, to show grace to those who are hurting, and to spend time with God. Reading this devotional is a great first step!

But it is not our only step. With God’s help, we can live a life filled with love for others, joy, and world-changing grace.

 With God’s help, we can live a life that is characterized by His closeness. 

Prayer

Lord, through all of our feelings will you give us the power to still pursue closeness to You. Please give us the strength to do justice, love mercy, and humbly walk with you. Amen.